Speak or remain silent? "Bushido" as the art of relationships
Sometimes, seeing the shortcomings and mistakes of another person, we learn to open our eyes to them.
We hope that this person will listen to us and quickly introduce himself. But, alas, in the end, we face insults and humiliations ... Oh, the world has not improved! We grieve and believe that we suffered for the sake of justice. We wanted only good things, but we were misunderstood.
As a result, we change our other position: now we all go quietly!
Whether to point out a person's shortcomings and mistakes is a topic for discussion. We can meet different opinions on this matter.
The ancient code of the samurai "Bushido" answers: it's worth it! It is important to consider only the motivations and tools that we use to achieve our goals.
For centuries, "bushido" or "The Way of the Uktama Warrior" was the moral code of the upper class in feudal Japan and, among other things, was the basis of popular Japanese politeness. In the texts devoted to "Bushido", in addition to the rules concerning military valor, much attention is paid to the subtleties of human relationships.
According to Bushido, the ability of a person to open their eyes to their weaknesses and thus help them improve is a form of compassion and service to people. This is stated in one of the canonical texts of" Bushido " - " Hagakure "("hidden in the leaves").
It's important to let people know what you think and correct their mistakes. This is compassion, which is very helpful in matters of service. However, this is quite difficult to do. It is easy to identify the good and bad sides of a person, and it is also easy to express your opinion about them. Often people think that they are doing good to others when they say rude things to them. If their reproaches are not properly understood after this, people will think that this will not help in any way. This is an erroneous opinion. This is the same as scolding a person for mental retardation. At the same time, you only care about relieving your soul.
Communicating your true and just vision to a person is an art, and Hagakure includes several important rules that must be followed in order for our efforts to lead to positive results:
– Before you give your opinion to a person, think about whether they will accept it or not. To do this, you must first approach him and make sure that he trusts you.
– When you talk about things that are dear to him, look for the right words and do everything so that he understands you correctly.
– Depending on the situation, think about how to do it – by writing a letter or by saying goodbye.
- Praise a person's good qualities and use any excuses to support them.
"You probably shouldn't talk about your shortcomings and point out your weaknesses, but let him think about it himself.»
"Make sure that the thirsty person gets advice on how to drink water so that your instructions will help you correct your mistakes.»
Remember, we're not perfect either. We have shortcomings, and we are not always right in everything. You should be willing to accept with gratitude the words of the person who will one day show us our weaknesses. Even if word of mouth hurts us, it's an opportunity to see ourselves through other people's eyes and pay attention to things we haven't noticed before.
When someone gives you their opinion, you should be deeply grateful to them, even if you don't need them ... you should try to speak and gently listen to the opinions of others.
Of course, in addition to the correct and timely words, do not forget about the power of your own example. This is not only something more reliable than a living example of adequate behavior, but also a process of transformation that includes improvement, the ability to cope with yourself and your weaknesses.
It takes a lot of work to improve a person's behavior. You must be like a bee (jigabachi literally: "be like a bee to me"). They say that even if you adopt a stranger's child and teach him how to do it, he will remain the same as you.
Article selected by Nikolai Merzlyakov